BEING ENOUGH

  • talks about her Confessions

    7 Comments

    Confession: I have {previously} had this fear that I’ll never be enough.

     

    One week from today me and my hottie husband board a plane for National Convention.  I went last year to Texas and it was so worth it.  Awesome and sincerely life changing.  I’m totally excited that Husband gets to go with me and that we’ll learn so much and see a new place {neither of us have been to Florida}.

     

    But.

     

    {there had to be one of those, right?  My 3 year old would say, “we don’t say butt, Mom.”  I digress.}

     

    I received some exciting news several days ago.  I am one of ten people picked to have a professional “after” photo shoot complete with make-up, etc., during the convention.  I was completely shocked, flattered, excited…and then devastated.  My first thought was, “I haven’t done enough.  I’m not at my ultimate goal.  I should have worked harder.  I should starve myself.  Or eat everything in sight…”  Everything I’ve learned and lived for the past year flew out the window with any and all rationality I’d previously had.

     

    I had to send a set of before pictures to the contact person as well as an after picture.  Of course I wanted the most horrid before photo available to contrast my after, so I was really searching!  I got caught up in the reliving the past moment and these are some of the gems I found.

    {Mid-late 2002. Met Zac. He trained me. Started dating. My head threatened to eat him and he still stayed around}

    {Cankles. You know, calves that camouflage into your ankles? I have them. Even at my thinnest…they get smaller, but they are always there. Dang cankles}

    {Cannot believe I didn’t suffocate him at this point}

    {I had to include this one because even my hands/fingers have shrunk. We’ve sized my ring down twice since our wedding}

    {My first 5k run ever-totally blissful day for both of us}

    {36 weeks pregnant with Baby #1}

    {36 weeks pregnant with Baby #2-lots of stuff happened in the two years between pregnancies, by the way}

    {Starting Take Shape for Life}

    {3 months later}

    {Our first official family picture-October 2010.  7 months after starting Medifast/TSFL.  By the way, those kiddos are totally worth the weight gain that pregnancy-and the 2-12 month period after giving birth-brought on, in my opinion}

     

    After reminiscing {and trust me, there were some doozies I didn’t subject you to}, I realized how far I’d come.  8 years seems like an eternity in some aspects, but almost every single day of the last 8 years I have worked hard to be better than the one before.  It hasn’t been easy.  There have been times I wanted to give up.  During those 8 years I got married, graduated with my Bachelor’s degree, worked 3 different jobs, had 2 children, helped husband start his business & continue to help run it, started my own business from home, served in my church & community, kept in touch with friends and family members, and did the everyday duties of a wife/mom/homemaker/friend.  Aside from my pregnancies and the nursing months following-I wasn’t super motivated about weight during those times & tended to eat whatever I saw….may have been the only woman who gained more weight after having the baby than during the pregnancy-I have been continually striving to be better.  I have worked my butt off in the gym, on the road and treadmill, and in the kitchen to get where I am.  And, thanks to Take Shape for Life and Medifast, I’m finally addressing the issues inside my head that were never dealt with in the past-thus the reason for the yo-yo cycle going on for so long.

     

    It doesn’t matter that I’m not exactly where I want to be.  I am where I am at because I’ve worked super hard to be here.  It’s not failing until I quit trying.  The fact that I’m still working {hard} on getting where I want to be doesn’t mean I’m not good enough, or I shouldn’t enjoy the progress I’ve made or the place I’m at, or that I’ll never get where I want to be.  I kind of hope I always reach for something beyond because there is no room for complacency with goals like that.


    I look at the Me of the past and I like my personality.  I like my spunk and the fact that I was confident despite the things I wished I could magically change.  I can still learn things from me then.  I look at the Me of the present and I like who I’ve become.  I like that because of who I was then, I am who I am now.  And, I like how I look now.  I feel-most days-fairly good in my skin.  I know I can be & do more.  I long for lean muscles and a low body-fat percentage, more for the ultra health it will mean for my body than anything else, but I realize it doesn’t have to happen in one week.  It doesn’t matter if it takes me 8 more years.

     

    It just matters that every single day, I take another step toward getting there.  And that I remind myself as long as I’m doing it, that I am enough.

COMMENTS

7 Responses to being enough

  • Meredith wrote on July 13, 2011 at 11:04 // Reply

    Karli, I haven’t seen many pictures of you before you lost the weight, but I must tell you, you looked absolutely beautiful before and you look absolutely beautiful now. I’m not even kidding. Stunning back then, stunning now. You have been blessed with some good genes sista! And good job, girl – you’ve come so far to achieving your final goal. keep it up!! xo

    • karlicleaver wrote on July 14, 2011 at 7:07 // Reply

      Wow, thanks Meredith! Your comment was just what I needed this early Thursday morning. (:

  • amber fischer wrote on July 13, 2011 at 11:23 // Reply

    Meredith said it. You are gorgeous and always have been. I’ve been besties with you since the early days and I’ve always wanted to be like you – despite your weight, heavy or thin – because of the awesome person that you are. Love you K!

    • karlicleaver wrote on July 14, 2011 at 7:07 // Reply

      Thanks Amber-your validation is always meaningful to me. Love you!

  • Brandi wrote on July 14, 2011 at 8:00 // Reply

    Aww, Karli I love your posts because they are so real and always something I can relate to. Keep up the good work kiddo. I’m excited for you and please post the pics of your upcoming photoshoot! I know you will be awesome!!

  • Tami Peterson wrote on July 14, 2011 at 8:04 // Reply

    wow. thanks for making me cry AFTER i put my make-up on.
    i believe when people accept us for us, without looking on the exterior, that they are seeing the “real” us.
    and the converse is also true…when they ONLY look at us on the exterior and don’t know our heart, they don’t see us for who we truly are.
    i know how hard you’ve worked on the outside stuff for the past 8 years, but the “inside” stuff, you’ve been perfect at since you were a little girl and i’m grateful that’s never changed.
    love, mom

  • Tasha wrote on July 14, 2011 at 9:30 // Reply

    I am so proud of everything you have done and how crazy hard you have worke! But just know (and I know my opinion is important;) ) I think you were beautiful THEN and now! Love ya

LEAVE A REPLY

FILL THE FIELDS TO LEAVE A REPLY. Your email address will not be published.