• talks about her Confessions




    Confession: I thought when I got closer to my goal weight-that illusive & magical number on the scale-somehow everything would be different and I’d suddenly be everything I ever dreamed of.

    I know, it sounds ridiculous now that I put it into writing, but I seriously thought some permanent mental shift would occur and suddenly I’d be left with no confidence issues, no feelings of lack, no questioning my worth, no enormous problems in my every day life…everything would just somehow work out. 

    That’s not been my experience, though.  I’m still me and my issues are still my issues.  Imagine that!

    Last week I attended a health coaching convention in Anaheim and had an incredible time.  On the plane going there I began reading a book called Cold Tangerines, by Shauna Niequist.  She eloquently said exactly what I was feeling about this topic:

    “I thought a lot of things would get easier instantly.  And some have.  But many haven’t.  I thought, of course, that this was the key that would turn all the locks inside me, that would set in motion all the parts of my life that seemed stuck and stalled.  I thought seeing that magic, fabled, dreamt-of number on the scale would turn me into a person who revels in her own skin, who dances in her underwear, who walks into every room fearlessly and shamelessly.  I thought that number on the scale would protect me from the vulnerability I had always felt, that it would secure me, once and for all, a place at the cool kids’ table at lunch, my very own place in the world of successful, happy, confident people. 

    What I found, though, is that if you’re not chasing one fantasy, you’re chasing another.  If it’s not your body, it’s your bank account, and if it’s not your bank account, it’s your resume or your nose or your boobs or your car or the perfect marriage or the perfect vacation or the perfect child.  For two decades, I believed that if I could just get this one thing under control, then the whole of my life would magically bloom like a perfect, lush flower.  But to my great dismay, I realized that my life was still my life, and I was still myself, just in smaller pants.”

    My personal mental shift is in the works.  I’m focusing on enjoying the scale & non scale victories as they come; fitting into my size 8 American Eagle jeans that haven’t fit in YEARS, doing a double take when I walk by a mirror or see a picture of myself to realize that yes-that’s really what I look like, setting a good example for my clients, having more energy to play with my kids on a daily basis, losing 5% body fat in 15 weeks, saying no to the donuts I crave because I really desire the feeling that comes from health more than the feeling that comes from indulgence, and wearing a swimsuit-WITHOUT a cover up!-to swim with my boys in our little 3 foot pool.  And slowly, I’m coming to grips with the fact that while being close to goal makes certain things simpler, more enjoyable, and fun, it is not a fix-all.  If I don’t change the inside-my mental focus and attitude and habits-the outside will just be a shell, and more likely than not, the weight will come back anyway because the changes I’ve made will be temporary. 

    So I’m keeping my ego in check, focusing on the things I can change, and working on shifting the necessary gears in my mind and my daily habits so I can stay at a healthy place regardless of what life stuff I’m going through.  fishinsideandoutsideforwebAs always, I’d love to help you!  If you’re unhappy in body, mind, and/or finances, let’s set up a one on one meeting {phone/zoom/in person} and chat.  {Picture on the left was taken just over a year ago before birth of our third son, picture on the right was taken this past Monday.}


2 Responses to the skinny myth

  • JoAnn Martin wrote on July 23, 2014 at 6:27 // Reply

    Loved what you wrote!

  • Amber Fischer wrote on August 8, 2014 at 3:16 // Reply

    I absolutely love this. Joy doesn’t depend on our outward circumstances!


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